i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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