May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
