It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
