If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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