I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Boobs speak an international language.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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