everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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