summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
