I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
