I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
