4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
