what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Let's get the cat blown out
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
