i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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