I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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