My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
