i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
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WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
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How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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