i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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