Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
