I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
