the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
