come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
