you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
