If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
