There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
