I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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