A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
