I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
