Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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