girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
