I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
