K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
