I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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