If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
