your parents love me but you hate me
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize