...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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