You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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