Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
where are my eyebrows?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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