Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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