She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
