There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
