I'm lost and stupid without you.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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