I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
this beer tastes like vomit already
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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