you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
people are starting to question the shark bite story
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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