I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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