my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
