i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wish you could order shots online.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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