Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
