guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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