$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
