So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
