Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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