He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
