Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
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if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
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Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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