$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
