oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
