yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
