what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
