i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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