She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
