closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
