She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Drunk is not a location!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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