Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
