I wish I could teleport
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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