you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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