I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
