Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
