What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
