you traded sex for a burrito?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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