i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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