It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
