I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
